Hackwad Andy Borowitz’s comedic ineptitude inspires #BorowitzJokes

http://twitter.com/#!/Slublog/status/213477088030756865

Yep. Inspired by tonight’s Twitter pwnage of Andy Borowitz, the #BorowitzJokes hashtag blew up in the most wonderful way. See, unlike Mr. Borowitz, who has embarked on a massive blocking spree, conservatives on Twitter actually have a sense of humor. And tonight, it was on display for all the world to see:

Why did the chicken cross the road? The KOCH BROTHERS! #BorowitzJokes

— Slublog (@Slublog) June 15, 2012

In Soviet Russia, house sees Palin! #BorowitzJokes

— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) June 15, 2012

Have you heard the one about the white guy? #BorowitzJokes

— RB (@RBPundit) June 15, 2012

Did you hear about the Koch brothers? They're so Republican, they give money to Romney. #BorowitzJokes

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 15, 2012

"There was a blonde reporter on Fox News. That's because blondes are unintelligent." #BorowitzJokes

— jon gabriel (@exjon) June 15, 2012

.@Slublog And then Groucho @borowitzreport said: "how the Koch brothers got in my pajamas, I'll never know." #borowitzjokes

— Jack's Tweet Show (@jackmcoldcuts) June 15, 2012

How about that Dick Cheney, he has some health issues. #BorowitzJokes

— Derek Hunter (@derekahunter) June 15, 2012

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting plutocrat. Interrupting plutocrat wh — KOCH! #BorowitzJokes

— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) June 15, 2012

Then the first Republican says to the second Republican, I don't like abortion. #BorowitzJokes

— One Who Remembers (@lheal) June 15, 2012

Boy those Kochs are greedy. (How greedy are they?) They're so greedy they took all my punchlines. #BorowitzJokes

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 15, 2012

A Republican walks into a bar and murders everyone. #BorowitzJokes

— Dr. Fearvento (@NJFiorvento) June 15, 2012

"Have you ever seen white people dance? Which reminds me – some Republicans are white and thus are poor dancers. And greedy!" #BorowitzJokes

— jon gabriel (@exjon) June 15, 2012

a republican, a klansman, and a nazi walk into a bar. …sike! it's the same person! #BorowitzJokes

— sarah (@mamaswati) June 15, 2012

#BorowitzJokes The Republicans say they owned me on Twitter. Did you know they once owned slaves, too?

— Mat (@USAmjs) June 15, 2012

B: Republicans are so close-minded! Audience: How close-minded are they? B: They're so clos..hold up, gotta block this critic #BorowitzJokes

— Will Antonin (@Will_Antonin) June 15, 2012

Waiter! What is this fly doing in my soup? Stealing elections. #BorowitzJokes

— Shaun McDonnell (@McShauno) June 15, 2012

Knock knock. Who's there? Palin. Palin who? Palin that Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert frequently skewer with hilarious jokes! #BorowitzJokes

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 15, 2012

What's red and white and homophobic all over? #BorowitzJokes @BorowitzReport

— Keith (@kjfierro) June 15, 2012

If I had a nickel for every person I block on twitter I'd afford to serve Romney drinks #BorowitzJokes

— Wittorical (@Wittorical) June 15, 2012

Thank you, Andy, for planting the seed for this marvelous hashtag game. It’ll probably go down in history as your greatest contribution to society. We hope you’re basking in all the glory. We sure as hell are.

***

#BorowitzJokes is now trending in the U.S.

Nice job, @Slublog!

***

Oh, and did we mention that Borowitz apparently edited a humor anthology? Because he totally did.

You know who’s more qualified to edit a humor anthology? The Koch Brothers.

And that’s no joke.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/06/15/hackwad-andy-borowitzs-comedic-ineptitude-inspires-borowitzjokes/

San Bernardino terrorists participated in target practice

In addition tothe president’s Sunday night address to the nation, much has been said in the recent few days about terror watch lists (which didn’t stop the mass shooting in San Bernardino) and no-fly lists (which didn’t prevent Syed Farook and fianceTashfeen Malik from entering the United States). The president and others in their wisdom have therefore decided that those on no-fly lists should be denied their Second Amendment rights; it would be “insane” to let them buy guns.

Today, the Associated Press is reporting the shocking news that Farook and Malik not only owned firearms, but went to nearby gun ranges for target practice.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2015/12/07/uh-oh-san-bernardino-terrorists-participated-in-target-practice-at-area-gun-ranges/

‘Classic!’ Katie Pavlich scores with idea for lifting memorial Barry-cades

http://twitter.com/#!/KatiePavlich/status/385428470811353088

Author and Fox News contributor Katie Pavlich does it again! Remember President Obama’s shameful display of making Marines hold an umbrella for him?

http://twitter.com/#!/JonniWomack/status/385428852400324608

Agreed!

Perhaps that tweet helped shame the Obama administration into finally allowing our brave veterans access to the World War II Memorial. After ordering its closure and after admitting, with breathtaking arrogance, that it was holding our memorials for ransom.

Related:

We can see 2014 from the Barry-cades: New symbol of Obama’s presidency [Photoshops]

‘Pure awesome’: The winning signs that protested closure of World War II Memorial [pics]

Wanna show the government how it feels to be Barry-caded? John Ondrasik has an idea

Barry-cades confirmed: Park Service says Obama admin ordered closure of World War II Memorial

‘Unbelievable!’ WH issues World War II memorial ransom note (Bonus ‘iconic’ Obama image)

More media ‘faux outrage’ douches: Daily Beast reporter mocks World War II vets

‘Unreal’: Check out the shutdown barricade and sign at the 2nd Infantry Division Memorial in DC [pics]

You’ll love the ‘trophy’ World War II vets took home from the government shutdown blockade [pic]

Honor Flight to bring more World War II vets to DC Memorial despite government shutdown

NY Mag’s Jonathan Chait confirms anti-Nazi stance after douchey tweet mocking World War II vets

World War II veterans knock down police barriers to attend memorial on the National Mall; Update: Did a congressman lead the vets through the barricade?; Update: Congressman says Obama administration knew about veterans’ request and rejected it

Sarah Palin to Obama: ‘When it rains it pours, but most Americans hold their own umbrellas’

Zing! Was asking Marines to hold umbrellas a President Boyfriend snub?

‘They’re gonna look good next to us’: President Prop-aganda recruits Marines to hold umbrellas [pics, video]

‘Priceless!’ Katie Pavlich scores with smack-tastic shutdown question, poignant perspective

Full Twitchy coverage of Katie Pavlich

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/10/02/classic-katie-pavlich-scores-with-idea-for-lifting-memorial-barry-cades/

He Couldn’t Hold The Tears Back Once He Saw What His Thoughtful Kids Got For Him

There are only a few things that will bring a grown man to tears…and this is one of them!

After this dad’s doggy best friend passed away, his children decided to do something to cheer him up. One day, his daughter pulled up to his house with her brother on speakerphone. The siblings informed their dad that they had a surprise for him. He was then handed a large cardboard box — and once he peeked inside, he broke down and cried.

Before pressing play, make sure you have a box of tissues handy!

Read More: She’d Been Dreaming of Her Own Dog For Years, So Her Boyfriend Surprised Her

What an amazing gift! That dad totally deserves it. Share this video if it made your day a little bit better.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/new-puppy-surprise/

This Rescue Perfectly Demonstrates The Importance Of Respecting The Wild

Animals in nature are truly spectacular things to witness. The wild is where they belong and where they thrive.

Unfortunately, that freedom is stolen from far too many wild animals.

That’s just what happened to these two bear cubs just outside of Moscow. They were likely bought illegally and kept as pets, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, they were then abandoned in the woods when they became too big for their owners to care for.

The authorities were alerted when local residents saw the bears still wearing the collars given to them by their previous owners. Found dehydrated and highly unprepared for life in the wild, the scene could have ended tragically had this team of officers not rescued them just in time.

While these bear cubs could be saved, there are still countless other animals lost to captive living every year.

If you would like to do your part to help end this heartbreaking practice, you can visit the Captive Animal Protection Society for more information.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/pet-bear-cub-rescue/

These Misty Photos Of England Are Beautiful, But The Truth Is Making People Sick

One of the things England is known for is its foggy and misty landscapes.

I’ve dreamed about visiting them for basically my entire life. Usually we see these kinds of atmospheric phenomena over rolling hills or mountains, but recently beachgoers were treated to the same kind of view on the United Kingdom’s East Sussex shoreline. At least, that’s what they thought…until their eyes started burning. Here’s everything we know about this mysterious “chemical incident.”

The unknown haze floated in over the ocean after about 5 PM local time. Residents began reporting stinging eyes.

Due to the unknown nature of the chemical, at first victims were completely decontaminated. Later, after understanding the danger more fully, hospitals simply treated the symptoms.

All in all, 150 people were treated at the hospital for nose and throat irritations, but officials say “hundreds more” may have been affected.

Twitter / @Kyle_Crickmore

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Twitter / @jonnygould

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It could have come from a boat sailing close to shore, with the tide pulling the chemical to land. In any case, it’s totally scary and has the potential to be dangerous in the future if the cause isn’t discovered.

(via CNN)

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/chemical-haze/

Appreciate The Horror Genre The Right Way With These 10 Scary Films.

Halloween is approaching fast, so it’s time once again to break out the horror flicks! They’re fun any time of year, but they’re especially fun when you curl up with (or hide under) a big blanket with some friends. Or alone…if you dare.

There are so many horror movies and, unfortunately, a lot of them are pretty terrible. Don’t get me wrong, I love a terrible horror movie from time to time. There is something satisfying about laughing at something that was obviously meant to terrify.

But there are only so many horror movie tropes you can see before they start to bore you. Creepy little girls in white nightgowns, flash cuts, jump scares, and oozing black substances get old. With so many sub-par films out there, it can get disappointing when you’re in the mood for a scare.

So we compiled a list of some of the best and scariest movies we’ve ever seen. We’re leaving out a lot of the classics, because you’ve probably heard of them. Instead, we’re including smaller movies and movies that might not be traditional “horror” films, but are creepy anyway.

1.) The Haunting, Robert Wise, 1963

The 1999 sequel never happened. It never happened. Okay? This horror movie is perfect for people squeamish about horror movies, because the scares are in your mind rather than on the screen. You don’t have to wonder when something is going to appear and shock-scare you, but hardened horror veterans can appreciate it, too. It’s a classic story of a group of strangers in a supposedly haunted house looking to do research on the paranormal. And, yes, they find it.

2.) The Innkeepers, Ti West, 2011

A hotel with a known ghost legend is about to close. Two ghost hunting employees, alone for the hotel’s last night, are determined to find ghosts before they have to find new jobs. And they do…kind of. This is another film that’s more psychological than just things popping out and shrieking, and it requires thought. Director Ti West stated in interviews that he’s not content to let the audience in on too much. Instead, he makes them come along for the ride without the benefit of figuring out what’s actually going on.

3.) Paranormal Activity, Oren Peli, 2007

No, wait, hear me out. Ignore that this movie became a franchise with about a billion sequels. The original movie is actually pretty good. It’s a found-footage movie chronicling couple Micah and Katie’s move into a new house and the way they cope when things start…happening. It’s a pretty slow-paced movie, with little in the way of scares or special effects, but what it offers is effective. It’s also an interesting take on the “haunted house” genre, with the people, rather than the space, being haunted. Skip the sequels, though. They’re not worth it.

4.) The Orphanage, J.A. Bayona, 2007

A couple moves into an old orphanage with the hopes of refurbishing it and making it into a home for disabled children. When they arrive, their young son Simon begins to make friends, in particular a little boy named Tomas. Trouble is, no one can see Tomas. As the movie unfolds, secrets about Tomas, Simon, and the orphanage become unveiled. Though there are horror elements, and the film is chilling and suspenseful, but what carries this one is the compelling story. It’s also produced by Guillermo del Toro, so it’s visually striking as well.

5.) The Conjuring, James Wan, 2013

A family of seven moves into a picturesque old house. When things start getting creepy, they call in famed paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren. Then things get really creepy. This film was shot and styled like a classic 70s horror movie. It has nothing in the way of gore, violence, sex or even swearing, but was given an R rating simply because it’s really scary. It’s also lightyears better than Wan’s Insidious films.

6.) Event Horizon, Paul W.S. Anderson, 1997

The crew of a spaceship discovers a ghost ship off Jupiter that disappeared after generating and entering a manmade black hole. The trouble with creating black holes is you might open up into a dimension of pure chaos, but the rescue crew doesn’t realize this. What follows is the descent into both figurative and literal hell for the crew. This is not a film for children, with a considerable amount of violence and gore. And while it’s scary, the film’s real horror comes from the impending doom, the isolation of space, and each of the crew members’ personal demons.

7.) Jug Face, Chad Crawford Kinkle, 2013

This Southern gothic tale is not what you expect. Whatever you expect, you’re probably wrong. The movie centers on a rural, isolated community that worships “the Pit,” a hole in the ground exuding a supernatural force…and demands human sacrifice. Again, whatever you’re thinking now, you’re also wrong. It’s a desolate, ominous, character-driven piece with a mythology of its own.

8.) The Moth Diaries, Mary Harron, 2011

This movie is “horror” in the traditional sense, drawing inspiration from the gothic novels of the 19th century. When a newcomer strikes up a close friendship with her best friend, boarding school student Rebecca struggles with the feeling that something isn’t quite right about this new girl. Or maybe she’s just jealous? Using the classic vampire tale as its foundation, this movie is also an exploration of the friendships of teen girls. It’s an interesting departure from the basic vampire story. Vampire fans should take a look.

9.) Alien, Ridley Scott, 1979

“But wait,” you say, “that’s a sci-fi movie!” Yes, it is, but it’s more science horror than science fiction. It’s described as a “slasher movie in space,” and director Scott knew from the outset that fear was the feeling he wanted to inspire. The crew of a mining ship encounters a strange distress call, and when they investigate, an alien life form sneaks aboard their ship. This is the kind of movie that’s scary because of what you don’t see, and the claustrophobic settings add to the feeling of inescapable doom.

10.) “In Chambers,” Aleksander Nordaas, 2011

This one is a short! Clocking in at only 10 minutes, you can watch this on your lunch break for a spooky afternoon. This short involves nefarious men with medical equipment and a great soundtrack. Explaining any more would give too much away.

So grab that popcorn and turn the lights down. Actually, on better thought, you might want to keep them on for these! 

Read more: http://viralnova.com/no-creepy-little-girls-here/

How This Man Was Spotted Walking Home Is So Much Better Than It Looks. Check Out What Happened.

Helping those in need may not be everyone’s first instinct… but it should be. A simple act of kindness occurred on a bus in Canada that is inspiring thousands online. A man, possibly homeless, was sitting on the bus while wearing two plastic hairnets on his feet instead of shoes. Another person saw his fellow passenger’s plight. Instead of leaving the other man be, he decided to step in to help him out.

He approached the man, gave him his socks and shoes and said, “You can take these, don’t worry about me — I live close by and can walk.”

Then, without another word, he got off of the bus.

(H/T Elite Daily) This man’s simple, but Godly, actions are inspirational. The bus driver, Surjit Singh Virk, had never seen an act of kindness like this before. The bus passenger who gave up his shoes was a 27 year-old, just wanting to help his fellow man. When asked about his decision to give away his shoes, his reply was simple. He lived close to the bus stop and he felt bad for the man without shoes… so he wanted to help. What he did for a fellow human being is amazing. Share this act of kindness with others.

Read more: http://viralnova.com/walking-home-no-shoes/

Charles Barkley agrees with GZ verdict, dings media for fomenting racialism [video]

http://twitter.com/#!/thequeerky/status/357944371708039168

The basketball legend sat down today with CNBC’s Maria Bartiromo, who asked him for his opinion on the Zimmerman trial verdict. Here’s what he had to say:

http://twitter.com/#!/TheStalwart/status/357944084675035137
http://twitter.com/#!/CharlesJB12/status/357944380151181312

Transcript:

That’s probably not a popular opinion among most people. But just looking at the evidence, I agreed with the verdict. I just feel bad, because I don’t like when race gets out in the media because I don’t think the media has a pure heart, as I call it. There are very few people who have a pure heart when it comes to race. Racism is wrong in any shape, form — there are a lot of black people who are racist, too. I think sometimes when people talk about race, they act like only white people are racist. There are a lot of black people who are racist, and I don’t like when it gets out there in the media, because I don’t think the media has clean hands … And, like I said, I feel sorry that young kid got killed, but just judging by the evidence, I don’t think that guy should have [gone] to jail for the rest of his life. Because something happened bad that night, obviously. And I’ll tell you, Mr. Zimmerman was … racially profiling, but I think Trayvon Martin — God rest his soul — I think he did flip the switch and started beating the hell out of Mr. Zimmerman. But it was just a bad situation. Like I said, the main thing I feel bad for, it gives every white person and black person who’s racist a platform to vent their ignorance, you know. That’s the thing that bothers me the most. Because I watched the trial closely, and I watch all these people on television talking about it. A lot of these people have a hidden agenda, you know. They want to have their racist views, whether they’re white or black. The bias, it definitely comes out. It was a bad situation. We all lost, and I feel bad for his parents. You never want to see anybody lose their kid.

Barkley’s response did garner plenty of nastiness:

http://twitter.com/#!/JeffersonObama/status/357955472889880576
http://twitter.com/#!/rose_2145/status/357945907666366464
http://twitter.com/#!/BillLambeerMask/status/357943988369629184
http://twitter.com/#!/REESEELambert/status/357950651445157888
http://twitter.com/#!/REESEELambert/status/357951464607457280

But many others appreciated Sir Charles’ carefully considered, sensible remarks and his refusal to play into the media’s race-baiting hands:

http://twitter.com/#!/bySamRo/status/357943818395451392
http://twitter.com/#!/Getztowondering/status/357944192976166912
http://twitter.com/#!/24kt_GLD/status/357943863077371905

Hear, hear. The loudest race-obsessed political mouths would do well to take a lesson from him:

http://twitter.com/#!/JonathanMcNabb/status/357944685710413825
http://twitter.com/#!/michi83/status/357955691471835137

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/07/18/charles-barkley-agrees-with-zimmerman-verdict-dings-media-for-fomenting-racialism-video/